Zombie

Well, I'm not really a zombie right now, but I'm close. What a weird week! I've been dealing with jetlag, so that means waking up earlier than usual and going to bed earlier. Then there's the whole braces thing. My mouth has been pretty unhappy, which means I've been eating nothing very solid. You know -- shakes, oatmeal, ice cream, etc. What complicates dietary matters is that I'm trying to avoid dairy and sugar and I'm allergic to eggs. You know how many soft foods that cuts out?? Aaargh! So basically, I haven't been eating very much, and I'm feeling and looking more and more wan. I'm hypoglycemic. Everytime my mom looks at me, she has this terrible worried expression on her face, like she's expecting me to pass out any moment.

Today at school I only had one half hour class fortunately. I was lead the kids in singing by singing or mouthing the words myself so they can watch and follow. I had only sung a few words before I was feeling serious pain in my mouth. Hmm...what to do? So I suggested that I play on the piano while a couple volunteers came up to lead the singing. That worked fortunately, but I sure hope I'm able to sing by next week!

We're having an 35th anniversary party for my parents tomorrow night. Should be fun. Hopefully I can talk normally, smile unselfconsciously, and not look like I'm on drugs.

You know what happens when you're really tired, on pain pills, and have a lot on your mind? Wild ideas pop in there! Like one morning I was getting ready for the day, and the idea popped into my mind that maybe after my braces are off and I have a dazzling smile, and when I've lost 10 pounds, I could go into modelling! That would be cool, right? Okay, I'm not the most beautiful woman around, but I'm tall, and have an okay figure. My mind started spinning. I could quit teaching, get some modelling jobs in Seattle, make thousands...blink. Whoa there! What am I thinking?? What would I have to model? "Sorry, but I can't model lingerie or evening wear because I have old-fashioned ideas about modesty. Oh, and there's probably a bunch of other stuff I couldn't wear..." Yeah right. Hmmm...add to that the burden of obsessing about my weight and appearance all the time. Ah, vanity of vanities. Being a normal girl looks highly attractive again. :-) Not that I'm really normal, but you know, more normal.