"Scents"itive Subject

Last night was the first rehearsal of the new orchestral season. I was excited to get back and see everyone and dive into some very cool music. My location as a lone, tall, and unique instrument tends to vary by concert. I'm often near the percussion, but once in awhile, like last night, I was placed in front of the bass players, and between the cellists and violists. All was fine until the violist closest to me sat down and a distinct body odor assailed my nostrils. I don't know her by name, but I've seen her before from afar and remembered her accent. I think she's German. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt, and if you know about the difference in European hygiene and shaving practices versus American, you'll perhaps understand some of my revulsion. Fortunately, I either got used to it quickly, or there were enough other smells and sights around to distract.

THEN the cellist to my right sat down. He was a large bearded man who might fit well in a "Fiddler on the Roof" set. He was wearing shorts and flip-flops. I didn't notice that fact until the odor of stinky feet greeted my nostrils and I searched for the source. He had kicked off his shoes and his slightly dirty and pudgy feet were enjoying their freedom. Aaaagh! Fortunately, the conductor said he wants to place me near the percussion next time. There I only have to worry about the German pianist, who also seems to be a stranger to deoderant. What is it with Germans?? That's another subject...:-)

During the break, the question came to me: How close do you have to be to someone relationally to tell them they don't smell good? Obviously, I wasn't going to tell either one of these strangers they stank! But what if it's someone you know -- a friend, a fellow church member, a co-worker, a student, a teacher, whatever? When is it, or is it ever, acceptable to tell them? I mean, probably most people with frequent body odor are totally unaware of it because they're used to their own smell. After I've worn a new perfume or scent a few weeks, I don't smell it anymore, so I'm almost suprised when someone remarks on it.

Is it more hurtful to have a friend confront you about this, or to have it come out at some odd moment in a surprising way? Probably nobody wants to be the one to confront, but doesn't genuine love do uncomfortable things sometimes?

I had a case with several sibling students with B.O. and it was extremely unpleasant for other students. I finally wrote a letter and very gently broached the subject. I got no response and don't know if anything changed or not. In that case, their whole family was also afflicted. Sometimes I've encountered bad breath from voice students. Maybe I'll hand them a mint! In the case of hygiene and grooming, I think a child's mother has a huge impact. My standards were instituted by my mother -- shower daily, use deoderant, wear clean clothes (shirts washed after one wearing), and use perfume and/or scented lotion in moderation (I can't stand asphyxiating and overpowering scents on women!). I think it's especially nice for a woman to smell good; it marks her as a lady somehow. (And I'm rather partial to nice cologne or even scented deoderant on men, too!)

Well, this is getting ridiculously long, and it was only meant to ask the question: When is it, or is it ever, okay to inform someone of their body odor? Is it an insult or a kindness?

(And I hope this isn't the time when someone writes me and says, "I've been wondering how to approach you on this subject......." Ha ha, that would be mortifying. But I guess I'd rather know so I could correct the malady. However, since I do occasionally get remarks about my smelling good, I hope that is the usual case!)