Will Work for Food

A man's heart deviseth [plans] his way: but the Lord directeth his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Wow, I sure found this verse true this week! Not the first time, of course. Sometimes I think I've got everything all mapped out, then SLAM, a door closes.

On Tuesday morning I went in for a meeting with my boss at school. I assumed it would be like the meetings we have every August when we discuss the year and I sign a contract. On the way I told the Lord that I really wasn't feeling any enthusiasm over the year and asked Him to give me some vision and inspiration. Well, I got in there and we chatted a little bit. I don't remember how he led up to it, but somehow he very diplomatically informed me that they would not be renewing my contract this year. It took me a moment to grasp what he was saying. My heart started pumping harder as the truth sunk in: I was being fired. I don't like being shocked, especially in front of someone. He viewed it as a somewhat mutual decision, as I had expressed in June my difficulties with aspects of the job and the probability that this would be my last year. But I had determined not to be a quitter, and I didn't want to leave them in the lurch. I was going to be an overcomer and make this the best year ever and leave with them all missing me and loving me! This was nothing like I pictured it would be. I think they're also looking for a teacher who can do more than I can -- choir, orchestra, etc. Or there may be financial considerations. It's just disappointing to me to not be everything they want me to be.

The entire "meeting" lasted about 15 minutes. What could I say? He said he'd try to help me get more students if I wanted to. I knew my throat was feeling squeeky, so I didn't say much. As I walked down the familiar hallway, I saw so many little faces, I heard "Miss A----!" I felt little hugs gripping me around the waist. I got in the van and pulled out of the parking lot before I burst into tears and cried all the way home. I called my mom, who was sorry for me and perturbed at the school's late methods, but expressed what I felt in a small measure -- relief. She had said several times this summer that she wished I didn't have to go back. I didn't totally feel like going back, either. But God in His own way and His own time closed a door that He had once opened. Great is His faithfulness.

So it's taken the last few days to let it sink in that I'm jobless, but free! Well, I shouldn't say I'm jobless. I still have private music students and I get occasional performing gigs. I just don't have the same regular job or income I had. It's an adjustment, and I'm sad about not saying goodbye to people that have been part of my life for the past three years. But on the other hand, I'm excited to see what good things God has up His sleeve! I look forward to being home more, spending a lot fewer hours in traffic, fewer dollars on gas, enjoying freer evenings, and more time for other interests. If you think of it, please pray for me in this transition time, that the Lord will show the next steps and provide every need.